


A proper kiss

by Startanewdream



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Drabble, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Romance, Sirius Black supports Jily
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:08:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29655945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Startanewdream/pseuds/Startanewdream
Summary: Prompt: "Oh, for heaven’s sake, girl, it wasn’t that good of a kiss, anyway."Except Lily Evans can't stop thinking about it.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Comments: 26
Kudos: 59





	A proper kiss

_Oh, for heaven’s sake, girl, it wasn’t that good of a kiss, anyway._

It wasn’t even a kiss. More of a brush of lips, the tenderest of the touches, really.

It was more like the first kiss Lily had ever had, the one she had not counted because it was nothing like she had read about - no magic, no shivers, no tongues or hands embracing each other.

Very much like the not-a-kiss that she shared with James Potter.

Could it even be counted as one if it happened during a game? She reasoned that not - except the challenge _was_ to kiss someone and then Sirius had chosen James and they had kissed.

No, not a kiss. Just a brush of lips.

One that cannot leave her mind ever since they shared it three days ago.

It happened for a stupid dare, one of those games that seemed to be popular that year and especially among Gryffindors. Marlene had accepted to gift mouse toys to Professor McGonagall, Mary had kissed Remus and Remus had kissed a flustered Sirius and Peter had performed surprisingly good dance steps for them. And then it was Lily's turn and Sirius was chosen to select her dare.

Sirius was always the worse when it came to ideas so Lily had almost laughed when he dared her to kiss someone; then her relief had vanished when a smirking Sirius had called for James.

James hadn't laughed, not even smiled and in general, James didn't seem to find this amusing at all.

He had frowned. 'Sirius, come on', he had complained, refusing to look in Lily's direction.

'You know the rules, Prongs', Sirius had said calmly. 'If Lily doesn't want she can give up'.

No one had backed down and Lily wouldn’t be the first. So she had raised and placed herself in front of the couch James was sitting, offering her hand.

'Come on, Potter'.

Her voice had been calm then, focused, practical. She certainly was more confident than James, that looked unsure, biting his lips and seeming like all he wanted was to disappear.

He wouldn't, she knew. James Potter never backed down from a challenge.

So he had raised, ignoring her hand, and Lily had raised her head - he was taller than her by half-a-head.

'Just a kiss, Evans', Sirius had reminded her, a note of provocation in his voice that Lily didn't have the time to understand, because suddenly she had realized how close she was to James.

They had been closer during their patrols, shared nights of working in the Head duties - once James had fallen asleep on her shoulder, or the time they had hugged after successfully organising the Halloween party and there was a dance they shared on the last Slug Club dinner. That proximity was not unusual.

But standing next to James, her head bent high to look at him, her eyes wavering between his hazel eyes and his lips - that was new.

The seconds seemed to last longer and her heart was beating faster because of - of what exactly she didn't know, but there was some sort of adrenaline and fear and elation. There was the same expression on James' face, plus one feeling she couldn't exactly define.

'Evans?', James whispered. 'Maybe you should…?'

He was right, of course, though Lily noticed he hadn't said what she should do.

 _Just a kiss_. She could do it. 

So she raised her hands, cupping his face so he could lower his head; then Lily raised on her tiptoes and pressed her lips on James'.

People cheered around them as they had shared for all the other silly dares, but Lily couldn't hear the sounds, couldn't feel anything other than the softness of James' lips, his woody scent, and the warmth of his body so near him.

It lasted three seconds before they broke apart.

It could not be considered a kiss with that shortness of time.

And still it hadn't left Lily's mind.

The game had continued normally and James had not given her any indication that something had happened between them; he had laughed and joked and done his dare (using the Floo Powder to go to Dumbledore's office) without a blink.

And Lily had stayed quiet with her lips still tingling from that touch, still wishing for _more_.

That thought was driving her crazy, and not because it was James Potter who once she had promised she would never go out with. No, this was crazy because it was James, who was her friend, whom she trusted, and who absolutely had no feelings for her anymore.

And Lily wanted to kiss him again.

This seemed to be a unilateral wish. In the last three days since that kind of a kiss, James hadn't said anything, hadn't done anything to indicate he had been thinking about her too. Instead, he had been his bright funny self, talking to her normally (in that way that she couldn't help but grin because he was an expert in making her smile) and doing his Head Boy duties.

But today was Wednesday, which meant they were supposed to patrol the corridors until eleven. A time alone with James Potter, just the two of them - maybe if Lily did kiss him, that increasing urge inside her would just be appeased...

Once again, though, James didn't give any signal he shared the same urge. Lily saw him talking to the Hufflepuff Prefect, guiding her in changing the Common Room password, and Lily felt strangely crestfallen when she noted the way they were laughing, sharing some joke about the kitchen.

She was silly of thinking she was the only one that he made feel happy through any conversation. That was just James. It didn't mean anything. Like probably that kiss.

This thought clouded her mind so when they were alone in the Prefects Room, just before the patrols, Lily pretended not to notice, concentrating on finishing the report of the last detentions. She was painfully aware of the time, however, so she couldn't even be surprised when James called her.

'Lily? Shall we - I mean, patrol?'

He looked strangely flustered. Lily turned to him, but James wasn't looking in her direction.

'I can go alone if you want, it's no big deal -'

'No, no'. Lily raised, packing her things. 'It's my job too - I wouldn’t dare to leave you alone’.

It was supposed to be a joke, but the way James’ lips curved made his response seemed more like a grimace.

Lily fell quiet after that.

It was a long dull patrol where nothing happened, though for once Lily hoped they would meet someone out of bed - preferably a group of people who would try to fight them back, just so there was any emotion. But the halls were empty and they walked in peace.

Lily wished she could feel that peace too, but in the absence of any other sense, she was painfully aware of how narrow some corridors were and how much closer she was to James Potter. Not _too close_ \- that she had been already and she knew that being by his side was just a shadow of how she had felt when they were kissing -, but enough so she could feel his scent and his warmth in that cold night and enough so their hands would brush together at some point, sending a wave of electricity through her body that reminded her that she absolutely _needed_ to kiss James again.

A proper mind-blowing full kiss. Just so that desire would be fulfilled.

But James looked startled when their hands brushed, though it usually happened a lot in other patrols, and he crossed his arms as if to avoid that happened again.

‘Sorry’, he whispered.

‘For what?’, Lily asked, confused, her voice echoing in the empty hall, and he didn’t answer.

They finished the patrol in silence and somewhat distant from each other; Lily felt that James was trying really hard to avoid being near her and this realization made her feel suddenly immersed on ice.

 _He didn’t want to be near her_.

Perhaps she had been too focused on her own wishes to realize James had not cared for that kiss. She remembered how he had complained to Sirius, how he seemed opposed to the idea…

Lily had spent so much time thinking of a proper kiss with James that she never had thought that maybe he would hate the idea.

All smile and hope were gone from her face when she told the password to the Common Room and the portrait opened.

‘Lily?’, she heard James asking, but she didn’t turn, walking in the empty Common Room with just the thought of sinking in her own bed. ‘Lily?’, he tried again, this time grabbing her shoulder, carefully to not touch any of her skin.

‘What, James?’, she asked back, turning to him and wishing she could be as cool as he. James just looked concerned with her, not at all like they had shared a kiss right in the middle of the Common Room three days ago, very close to the spot they were.

‘You - I don’t - I’ve talked to Sirius, ok? I told him that was off-limits’.

She blinked.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘That - that _dare_. I told him it wasn’t funny and I am sorry - I don’t want things to be awkward between us’.

Lily bit her lip before sighing. James was right. Despite anything she had might felt, despite the fact he was really attractive looking so worried with her now, his hands grasping his own hair in that way of his when he was nervous, they were _friends_. She could ignore any urge that she felt for him.

‘It’s fine’, she said, her voice lighter now. ‘No awkwardness’.

He smiled, and Lily forced herself to ignore how warm that smile was.

‘Good. It was just a stupid dare’.

‘Not even Sirius’ most creative idea’, Lily agreed, sharing the smile with him now. ‘Kiss someone? He could have done better’.

‘And it wasn’t even a _kiss,_ come on’.

That made her stop.

‘What do you mean, it wasn’t a kiss?’

James flushed, his hand once again on his hair.

‘I mean, people were saying we kissed and I told them it didn’t _count_. That was like a brush? A peck?’

It was all she had thought of in the last three days, all she had tried to convince herself, and still, hearing James talking about it as if it meant nothing, as if those three seconds their lips had met weren’t worthy of being the only thing on her mind lately -

‘I hope it counted’, she heard herself saying, her heart pumping furiously on her chest. ‘Or else I wouldn’t have completed my dare and I would have to kiss you properly this time’.

James blinked at her, looking uncertainly.

‘No one thinks you didn’t finish your dare, Lily’, he said in a low voice, shivering when she took a step closer.

‘You seem to think’.

‘I was just - just trying to _convince_ myself it was nothing to lose sleep over -’

‘It wasn’t even that good of a kiss’, Lily murmured, ignoring how she had mostly certain lost a lot of sleep thinking about it.

‘Yeah, I mean - if we had kissed for real, it would be far better’.

That made her grin and James’ eyes fell for her lips for a second before he looked back at her.

‘Confident much, Potter?’, she teased, and he rolled his eyes, but he was grinning too. That was familiar for them - the pleasant retorts, the light mood, the teasing.

It was only that need of kissing James that was new to Lily.

‘On my kissing abilities? Sure. If we had really kissed you wouldn’t be able to think of anything else’.

That seemed dangerous, Lily thought. If that sorry excuse of a kiss iwas already making her lose her mind over him, she didn’t want to know what a real kiss would do.

But she was never one to step down a challenge.

And as far as she knew, neither was James Potter.

‘Fine, you got me curious. I _dare_ you to kiss me, James’.

He blinked furiously, not seeming to understand.

‘I - what?’

‘A proper kiss, like you said. Not a peck. Not a brush’.

His smile slowly died and he lowered his head to look at his own hands.

‘No’.

‘James Potter refusing a challenge?’, she asked, trying to sound light, despite the fact that there was something unpleasant dancing in her stomach. When he didn’t smile, she took a step away from him. ‘Sorry, I thought - sorry’.

‘It’s not you, it’s just - we are _friends_ ’.

‘Oh’, she tried for a smile. ‘I get it, too friends to mess things up with a kiss that would be only… better’.

‘It would’.

He looked back at her, his eyes full of conflict, and Lily refused to look away first, to take another step back. After a long minute, James approached her, his expression still unsure.

‘I have something to confess, Lily’, he whispered, the words seeming to come out on their own. ‘I know it was not a kiss, not really, but I couldn’t stop thinking about it’.

‘Me neither’, she admitted, and then he paused. She wettened her lips before saying again, with all the courage she could muster. ‘Maybe… maybe if we kissed it would get better?’

He didn’t seem so certain, but he nodded. ‘It wouldn’t have to mean anything’.

‘Just for the dare’, she agreed in a whisper, raising her head, and then there was an inch between their lips and the same feelings she had felt three days ago were involving her. Adrenaline and fear and elation, but now also there was another one and she finally understood what James had felt that night.

He had craved for that kiss as much as she was craving right now.

And then they moved at the same time, their lips meeting just as the eyes were closed and that was a proper real kiss as Lily had been dreaming of sharing with James, all pieces coming together: his hands holding her waist, her wands on his neck, burying themselves on his hair; the sweet taste of his mouth, his tongue dancing with hers and making her moan softly; the way her heart was beating so fast it seemed to want to come out of her body and yet flushing her with happiness and joy; and the magic.

Above all, there was the magic she was hoping for.

And then she realized James had been wrong. That _meant_ something.

Much earlier than she would like, James broke apart, keeping their foreheads together while he caught his breath, seeming to calm himself. Lily watched his face, the tiny shining smile on his lips, and the disbelief in his hazel eyes when James finally opened them.

‘Hey’, he whispered, separating himself just so he could talk to her, but Lily was glad he didn’t mind the way her hands were still around his neck nor did he lifted his own arms from around her waist. ‘Now _that_ was a kiss’.

‘Yeah’, she agreed, her voice low too. ‘But I was wrong’.

‘About?’

‘I thought it would get better. But I - I still wanna kiss you’.

He looked at her, seeming to be looking for some sign Lily was lying, but she knew he would find none. Her need for kissing him had not been subdued by the kiss they had just shared.

It had only grown, in fact.

‘A proper kiss?’

‘A real one’.

‘Is that a dare?’

‘No’, Lily smiled tentatively. ‘It was a request’.

It turned out that very much like her dares, James wouldn’t refuse her requests either.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this free piece of fluffy, please let a comment with your thoughts!


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